My Biggest Question for God

Trigger Warning: miscarriage and infertility

As a kid, when adults said life wasn’t fair in response to an unfortunate circumstance, it really frustrated me. But now, as an adult, I get it. We’ve coined this phrase because sometimes there’s just nothing you can do except blame life. I’ve been feeling this building frustration with the unfairness of life over the past few months to a year or more. In that time I’ve had several very close friends go through miscarriages and infertility. Devastating losses to these young, happy, healthy families. Many of them hit close to home and left me sad and angry. Allow me to step onto the biggest soapbox I have about God.

Why does it seem like loving, stable couples who really want kids struggle the most to have them, while people who seem incredibly unfit to be parents, and may not even want to be, often seem to have no trouble? I do not mean to sound judgmental, but most of us have somewhere seen or heard of people with six kids who were just arrested for abusing them or the couple who’s addicted to drugs with three kids and the mother pregnant with the fourth. I can’t quite square these situations with a loving God who claims to care about the most innocent humans among us.

This is the ever-present, looming question that I have for God and I feel as though He has never answered it. Sometimes I feel as though I’m laying out all the evidence, yelling at Him, and He’s doing absolutely nothing.

Some of you might be wondering why I even have a right to be this upset. We have a perfectly healthy little boy and it only took us a few months to get pregnant. I haven’t faced any miscarriages or infertility of my own. But when too many of your closest friends face these losses in the same year, it starts to build up. If I’m being perfectly honest, I feel as though God just sits back and chooses not to involve Himself in bringing children into the world.

Maybe that’s the explanation for why some kids are born into circumstances no kid should have to be born into, and yet I have a best friend who has had two miscarriages and another best friend who is facing secondary infertility. I’m literally on the verge of tears writing this because it all makes me so very frustrated!

I’m sorry if this diatribe was entirely more than you bargained for. I’ve expressed this frustration to a few people, but I guess it all just came to a head a few weeks ago. So here I am, left with more questions than answers. Spent from all the anger, I quietly step off my soapbox and walk away to face a world where life is entirely too unfair to innocent children.