Friendship Isn't Always Easy

No one tells you that friendships shift and change the older you get.

When you were a little kid on the playground you made friends simply by asking someone if they’d like to play tag. You made friends with the kid sitting next to you in class by sharing your favorite markers. These small acts started friendships that some of us still have to this day.

Maybe the losing of friendships starts when you’re in middle school when all of life seems to be in an upheaval. Friends vanish and reappear as if out of a magician’s hat. But even through all the emotional rollercoasters of those middle school years many of us have friendships that still stick.

For many, high school is where the deepest friendships are forged in the fire. You’re all facing the same changes and life decisions and a bond is formed when you face them together. You see the future shining bright and dream of facing the unknown with your best friends always by your side. I remember someone telling me this hard truth that I didn’t want to believe in those innocently happy days of high school: the friends you have now will not be the friends you have in 10-15 years. I couldn’t imagine the people I had bonded with in those years not being with me for life’s future episodes.

College looks different for everyone and some of us were lucky enough to carry our high school friends with us into college. Many of us made new friends along the way. But others were hit with the reality that making friends when you’re 19 isn’t as easy as asking if they’d like to play tag. College can be the beginning of a very lonely road when it seems as though everyone else is bonding in their lifelong friendships when you’re left to figure it out on your own. It was here that many of us felt that first real sting of losing friendships because of different life paths that lead us away from those we once held so dear.

No one teaches you a class in college about how to form and make adult friendships if you didn’t carry them with you out of college. Setting sail into the great big work world is terrifying enough. Asking your coworker if they want to hang out after work hours is even more intimidating. So you find yourself alone in your single room apartment with takeout Chinese once again. You reflect on how easily you once made friends and wonder what went wrong.

What changed as we became adults that made making friends so difficult at times? Do we blame it on the algebraic difficulty of coordinating schedules when you start having kids? Can we blame technology that makes it so easy to text a friend and yet so hard to actually call and have a real conversation? Do we blame it on our own thoughts that take over in a cycle of lies that trip us up?

“They probably don’t want to hang out with you anymore.”

“They’re just going to judge the way you raise your kids.”

“They’ll probably talk about their amazing career the whole time.”

“I doubt they want to just hang out and talk during baby’s nap time.”

These and so many others stop us in our tracks and make us retreat back into our life where we convince ourselves that we don’t need community.

I’m not here for a pity party or to bring anyone down. This sad reality is completely foreign to some and yet a hard reality that others face on a daily basis. All I’m saying is that making new friends, as an adult, is harder than anyone can prepare you for. It’s a sad reality for many that they don’t know how to express.

So I encourage you today to reach out to those friends you once played tag with on the playground or schemed up high school pranks with. Is there someone that you used to dream with in a college history class and yet now couldn’t even fathom texting? Sure it’ll be awkward and maybe you’ll text a few wrong numbers along the way, but we all need to be pushed out of our comfort zones once in a while.

Whether your circle expands and encompasses many friendships or just a few, we were all made for community. What is one lost friendship you can work on restoring?